John Perrin Facts
[I THINK most of these are original, but don’t be too hard on me if I accidentally “repurposed” a Chuck Norris.]
John Perrin once beat Deep Blue at chess. But first, he taught it how to cry.
When he was 13, John Perrin challenged the Devil to a riddle contest. So any sins committed after 1994 are your own damn fault.
With a single handshake, John Perrin can determine the exact moment of your death, or change it.
Every morning, John Perrin composes a symphony, cooks a gourmet meal, and makes three crucial stock trades. On October 17, 1987 he overslept.
John Perrin is on 58 distinct government watch lists, but not as John Perrin.
John Perrin doesn’t browse the Internet. He remembers.
John Perrin is not the 14th Doctor. Yet.
John Perrin didn’t cause the flash crash, but something in his pocket did.
John Perrin knows an antidote to global warming, a limitless energy source, and a cure for cancer. The first one’s free.
John Perrin made a mistake once, but the dinosaurs forgave him.
No one knows John’s real last name. But his first name is “The.”
Michael B. Duff 