Michael B. Duff

I’m so late to this party I had to help them clean up, but I can’t resist this post from Diablo Cody.

Here’s a quick summary for people who aren’t celebrity-obsessed 12-year-olds.

1. Diablo Cody has a blog.

2. Diablo Cody sells a script.

3. Important Movie People make Juno.

4. Juno explodes all over pop culture, bringing new slang and a newfound respect for reproductive rights to college campuses and junior high schools across the country.

5. Everyone on the Internet loves Diablo Cody for ten minutes.

6. Ten minutes expire, and the entire Internet turns on Diablo Cody like mama wolf consuming a diseased cub.

7. Hating Diablo Cody becomes the Next Great Internet Bloodsport, allowing the “Leave Britney Alone” guy to finally relax and put his phone back on the hook.

8. Diablo Cody proves she’s better than you by LEAVING THE INTERNET for a few months.

9. Diablo comes out of exile and returns to face a mob of jealous fanboys who hate her guts.

10. Diablo executes a flawless Mortal Kombat fatality move that spontaneously decapitates everyone who ever posted anything mean about her. Her rebuttal is so magnificient (and so obscene) that I can only post a little bit of it here:

I may have won 19 awards that you don’t feel I earned, but it’s neither original nor relevant to slag on Juno. Really. And you’re not some bold, singular voice of dissent, You are exactly like everyone else in your zeitgeisty-demo-lifestyle pod. You are even like me. (I, too, loved Arrested Development! Aren’t we a pretty pair of cultural mavericks?

I’m a 30-year-old woman with a dwindling interest in blog culture, and I don’t have time to address this ******** every time one of my projects comes out. I’m in love, I just bought a house, and my boss made E.T. I kind of have to focus on reality.

I almost jumped on the “Diablo Cody is lame” bandwagon a month ago, but I’m kind of in love with her now. I have a thing for angry, eloquent women who have just made millions and millions of dollars.

What?

Don’t look at me like that.