Michael B. Duff

Lubbock's answer to a question no one asked

Facebook offers faster ways to ruin your marriage

This Facebook widget crap has gotten out of hand. It caters to the lowest instincts of the Internet user — the doodad-collecting, quiz-taking, LOLCAT-worshipping masses.

And now they've found a new way to ruin your marriage.

I just got a news flash across my Facebook feed:

“This HOT OR NOT user wants to meet Greg Wharton!” This appears beside a microscopic picture of a girl who appears to be posing in tight shorts.

Which I read as, “Greg Wharton is about to cheat on his wife with THIS WOMAN! Sign up, and see if she has a sister!”

There is an alternate possibility. The girl in the picture may actually be Greg's wife, in which case they're just bragging.

Either way, this is more information than I needed.

Do they already have a status dropdown for this?

Michael is cheating on: his wife/a test/his taxes.

There has been an invasion of corporate execs on Facebook lately. Executives from our parent company have popped up with these cute, sanitized “my boss made me join Facebook” profiles and started adding rank and file employees from the A-J.

There's nothing quite like the cold chill you get when you find out a corporate VP has added you to his Friends list.

Like getting a LiveJournal comment from your dad.

I can already see the emails. “Hey Duff, I saw those pictures on your Facebook. I didn't know they made leather pants in your size, ha ha! Can we blow that up for the Christmas party slideshow?”

Facebook must be stopped.

UPDATE: And if all that's not bad enough, now Facebook is ruining Christmas.

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Written by Michael B. Duff

November 21, 2007 at 12:08

Posted in Facebook

28 Responses

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  1. facebook ruins relationships….
    it puts you back in contact with everyone you shoul dnot be in contact with….if you respect your marriage, leave it alone

    Itsucks

    October 14, 2008 at 17:11

  2. It ruined my marriage.

    M40

    November 26, 2008 at 21:30

  3. FACEBOOK RUINED MINE TOO AND IVE LOST EVERYTHIN

    Dazla

    January 18, 2009 at 17:49

  4. my wife spnds to much god damn time on it, it comsumers her.
    she was even chatting with an old boyfriend nd hiding the fact that she was

    axeman

    March 26, 2009 at 09:19

  5. If you think about it, its just like someone calling or emailing you, but because its “facebook” its supposed to be acceptable. I don’t want women from my husband’s past contacting him.. its just unnecessary.

    jenny

    April 4, 2009 at 10:54

  6. My marriage was ruined when my wife found someon on FB to pay attention to her leading to a second affair. Married couples should have a joint account or none at all.

    brian

    April 28, 2009 at 19:27

  7. I AGREE!!! If you have a 100% PERFECT marriage you may be one of the lucky few, but if it has ever had even the slightest problem, prepare yourself for packing your bags, kissing your kids goodbye and saying hello to devorce papers. FACEBOOK will ruin your marriage… I came home today to find out my wife opened a FACEBOOK account today. And she knows how I feel about the “CHEATING MADE EASY SITE” and she still went ahead with getting her facebook acount, I guess I’ll get ready to wave my kids goodbye and sign my devorce papers. gutted!!!!

    Gaz Hayes

    July 31, 2009 at 19:12

  8. I think it can depend on the quality of your marriage, how long you’ve been married, and how open vs secretive you are. My husband and I don’t have a problem with facebook – but our marital status is clear, we’ve friended each other and our daughters , so it’s not a big deal.

    Caroline

    August 12, 2009 at 22:41

  9. I thought I had a great marriage until I got on Facebook and saw my husband and other (married) women flirting back and forth. It was out in the “open”, so everyone except me thought it was ok–when I objected on my wall, one of my husband’s “friends” called me a “prude” and he said I was ruining innocent fun.

    I’m off it for life.

    Tara

    August 13, 2009 at 16:16

  10. This is the worst thing that could have happen to my marriage. it causes so much pain/// My wife has single friends, and a sister who is unhappy in her marriage ,and they kept trying to introduce this to my wife after she said that she was not interrested. After awhile she gave in and we argue everyday. Im trying to deal with it but its hard when your sister inlaw and your wifes bestfriend says it is ok.(Im losing my marriage and friend) Facebook is not for a married couple at all Christian on non christian, believe me I was happly married for 6 years before this

    SQU

    August 18, 2009 at 07:51

  11. We are currently looking for real stories just like all of yours–Has facebook ruined your relationship/marriage? If so, please email us your name, story and current phone number at talkshowpilot@yahoo.com

    TALKSHOWPILOT

    August 18, 2009 at 12:24

  12. I agree with the statement that FACEBOOK can ruin your relationship. It makes keeping in touch with ex lovers way too easy. That will put stress on any relationship. It also makes it easier to flirt with other people you might be attracted to but would never have the nerve to flirt with in person. We have become way to internet social–and YES–this is not good! All the energy spent on social sites could and should be spent making your REAL LIFE relationship (s) better. You might have 477 friends on FACEBOOK– but they aren’t you REAL friends–at least not 90% of them. Unless all 477 of them are at your next birthday party or helping you move, they AREN’T your FRIENDS! Make time for REAL LIFE before all that’s left is you and that stupid computer screen.

    Michele

    August 27, 2009 at 15:17

  13. I caught my wife searching for old boyfriends on FACEBOOK. Will this wreck my marriage? Probably not. But nothing good can come from this. FACEBOOK can only lead to problems for married people.

    Bill

    August 29, 2009 at 18:19

  14. Yup – it definitely ruins marriages. When your husband talks about “the one that got away”, then all of a sudden finds her on FB. Not really a good feeling.

    Also, if your spouse is having great conversations with all of these “virtual” friends and can’t even ask you how you did on your final in school…yeah…not a good thing.

    Overall, I still don’t think FB ruins marriages – but ignorant PEOPLE sure do!

    Shawna

    September 1, 2009 at 18:50

  15. It will definitely put a huge strain on a marriage, if it doesn’t destroy it all together. After 17 years of marriage, my husband felt it necessary to look up his high school girlfriend and call her and email her secretly. We are staring at the face of divorce since he refuses to break off contact with her. Facebook opens doors most people have closed years ago, that should remain closed.

    Angie

    September 3, 2009 at 19:13

  16. All of you people who had this ruin your marriage or even ruin a relationship, you are all pathetic. A central part of ANY relationship (be it the one you have with your spouse your friends or even your dog), is trust. But just the same lets explain what you should have in a relationship: love, trust, affection, communication, COMMON interests, respect, friendship, and Fun. Trust me, there are plenty of these kinds of relationships out there, so if what was just listed doesn’t sound like a daily occurrence to you : Then we *ahem* I mean they win and you lose. Period. It wasn’t Facebook that ruined your relationship, it was you or your significant other. Done and done.

    patrick

    September 18, 2009 at 03:09

  17. Facebook may have started with the intent of keeping in touch with old friends, but what I am seeing is that is nothing more than a free pass to cheat. It just gets you in contact with people that you should NOT be in contact with.

    Unfortunately I know of two people who you would never think would cross the line but they both did. It is to easy to go to this ‘virtual world’ and to open up about things that you should be talking with your spouse about. So many spouses are doing things on this that they would not dare do in front of their partner. Come on, how can you tell me that adding a former boyfriend/girlfriend to your friends list is ever a good thing?

    At times this is just a ‘legit’ (although it is still cheating – unless you are the one doing it) way to keep tabs on old flames or members of the opposite sex that you probably should not be doing if you are in a committed relationship. I am not saying that everything about it is wrong, but I like what one other person said above and I think it is a great idea, if you are in a relationship and want to make it stronger you had better stay off of this or join under a joint account.

    Tell me if this is okay: 1. Emailing or calling your old flame. 2. Looking up to see where they live or what they are doing. 3. Chatting back and forth with the opposite sex. Would you do this in person, on the phone, or in emails or would you want your partner to do this to you? If not, what is so different than Facebook when it comes to these things and many more?

    Let it get a hold on you and you will see numerous hours wasted with your “computer screen friends” and next thing you know your temporary files of your computer history start getting deleted, websites that have been visited and so on disappear. If you are doing these things or see them being done on your computer, more often than not someone is cheating or is about to, why else cover your tracks. Try this spend your free time with your family or you will not have a family spend it with and if you ‘hook up’ with a virtual cheater like yourself, what will keep them from doing the same thing to you when the new wears off? Don’t kid yourself, keep playing with fire and you will get burned.

    A Free Pass to Cheat!

    September 18, 2009 at 15:31

  18. Sorry to say this but if you have someone that does all the flirting, searching and contacting like they are doing don’t blame facebook, it may be a good thing you found out about it this way. Because if a person will do this on facebook they will find a way to flirt, sneak around, etc in real life. It is not facebooks fault it is just a way to end marriages a little earlier than they would have ended.

    I admit it I am addicted to facebook and I know who to blame. The problem is there are so many of us who can’t stop and really don’t want to stop, there is always someone new to meet or find out about someone else. Would this be cheating if my partner was doing what I am doing, I would not like it at all but like I told you it is addictive, and as long as I have a computer I will get my fix!

    Sorry to hear it

    September 18, 2009 at 15:53

  19. Yes it is a marriage breaker. My husband told me last night he is leaving me. I had no warning. He has been signed up on Facebook for three months. I did some searching on his account (we share the same passwords) and he has been reunited with a “friend” from middle school who he has not seen in over 20 years. She sought him out–asked to be his friend etc etc knowing full well he is married (that is quite clear on his profile). Apparently him reuniting with her (with her chiding–I have read the sordid emails) has ignited all his unhappiness about our marriage. We have had a rough year–he has been out of work and I have been supporting him. It HAS been stressful, but i thought we were just trying to hang on until things got better. Ironically, things just started getting better–he is now employed. But we will be divorced soon. I may also mention that she lives overseas and he is moving there to be with her.
    This all happened in the course of 3 weeks –Facebook time. Unbelieveable.

    aussieposse

    October 9, 2009 at 16:59

  20. Facebook is no different than real life. Everybody has friends from high school or college you can call, and like a detective track down anybody you want to. Most people don’t because it’s too much of a hassle. Before Facebook everybody searched for each other’s names through Google already anyway.

    Everyday your spouse goes to work and meets with all sorts of people in the company, clients, or meets potential clients all the time, of both sexes, married or not, and then there’s business travel, meals, after-work entertainment and what not. If somebody’s going to cheat on their spouse they will.

    Finally, if Facebook proves that it’s happening more and more easily, then it just means we live in a society with double standards. The guy who’s been happily married for 17 years probably did have at least one affair, and so did his wife, and that’s just something they keep to themselves for the sake of “the curiosity of life”. Facebook just makes it more likely to be public.

    With the spread of digital cameras I think people have to be more careful where they go and who they take pictures with. A simple social gathering of a married guy taking a picture with some friends, or in a picture with a girl (from her camera), might get tagged with his name, and it automatically gets posted to his profile for his whole family to see.

    Another problem I noticed is with previously divorced families. My parents divorced around 1980. Although I have several of my mom’s family friended on Facebook, and several relatives on my dad’s family, my dad was asking whether it’s a good idea to join Facebook. I said, if you want to leave comments on my page or comment on my pictures, mom will see them, and vice versa–even if you two are not friends. He said, that’s too close for comfort, forget it.

    Mike

    October 11, 2009 at 08:22

  21. my marriage is over, due greatly to facebook. my wife is addicted. i learned more about my wife of 20 plus years from facebook than I ever knew before. granted, we have other problems but facebook put the final nail in the coffin. i still love her with all my heart but i can’t compete with her hundreds (literally) of facebook friends. yes, i have discussed this with her. she went from many hours per night to an average of less than 30 minutes per day but i still feel ‘cheated on’.
    she has not cheated on me but with facebook, i know it can indeed happen and usually is just a matter of time as i have been reading. i HATE facebook and i am pretty sure that GOD hates it as well. how can He like something thats nothing but gossip and idle talk.

    Agape!

    suffered enough

    October 13, 2009 at 22:32

  22. Facebook is really a mixed bag. It is probably no worse than say for example Yahoo and or any of the rest of the social networks. I believe rather then being the direct cause of divorces, it is a facilitator. These websites have simply made it much easier for people to meet new people or connect with old friends. Plus meeting on line may turn out well in some cases but I know it can also be very dangerous. Also you never know how people are until you spend a lot of time with someone no matter how cute they appear to be on Facebbook. Sadly, the marriages that are “ruined” by Facebook probably already had many problems. I do agree married couples should talk to others rather than getting unqualified advise from other unhappy people on Facebook. What is interesting to me is were do these people find all those extra hours to spend on cyber cheating? I’m single and have a full time job and a house to take care of. Though I don’t have a husband to take care of anymore (he passed away) I still don’t have time for all that garbage.

    farmgirl

    October 16, 2009 at 11:21

  23. People are seriously blaming a social networking website for their actions and their spouses actions. That is quite amazing. One should learn to set and back up boundries in real life and on the internet. Openness in ones mariage can also go a long way.

    Jason

    October 16, 2009 at 16:35

  24. If a marriage is ruined because of facebook, it is because your marriage wasn’t strong in the first place.

    Karen

    October 28, 2009 at 14:41

  25. No one has a perfect marriage and anyone who pretends to have one then they are lying. I was married for 10 years and thought my wife would never leave me. Sure we had our problems, but that is a part of marriage. Its like a roller coaster, you have your ups and downs. Facebook took my wife and made her a totally different person. She spends 14 hours a day online now and has over 900 “friends” on facebook but who is the one that is helping her out pay her bills, checking in on her after surgery?? ME! We have only been apart 4 months and now she is “in love” with some guy she met who supposedly lives in England. If she spent half the time she does on facebook working on our marriage then we would still be together. So much for “till death do us part”; more like till facebook kills your relationship.

    James

    November 5, 2009 at 20:47

  26. I ended up almost losing my marriage after encountering a man on Facebook…meeting through a dumb “game” there, we found we had a lot in common. The Facebook affair turned into a real affair, with us meeting in the spring, and him later leaving his wife when she found out about the affair. I realized during the course of this that I was unable to leave my husband and two young children, knowing that my leaving would shatter everyone’s worlds. Fortunately, my husband has accepted me back even though I had admitted the affair, and I have been through counseling and antidepressants to help get over the disaster this has caused my family. The man I met moved on, finding a younger woman where he lives in the UK now that he’s “free” of his wife, and he’s cut me out of his life completely. It’s been the most difficult thing I could ever imagine dealing with, something that I would never wish upon anyone else. I refuse to ever go back on facebook or another social networking site. Sure, my marriage might have had problems before my meeting this guy on Facebook, but Facebook provided a forum in which I never would have met this guy otherwise. Please beware…Facebook is a social evil, and I hope to God I recover from this…

    KBell

    November 18, 2009 at 22:25

  27. This is really sad! Trust is something you have or you don’t! I am not talking about trusting your spouse – I am talking about trusting yourself – to be a good person, to make the right decision, to pay attention to situations and above all to have control! How sad that people use things such as facebook as excuses why they are the way they are and for why things happened…instead of just facing the fact that they are weak! Have control – trust your instints – GROW UP! Facebook did not and haas not ruined any marriages – the people in the marriage did!

    tracy

    November 24, 2009 at 13:02

  28. Yep, Tracy, these women might be “weak” as you say; but what kind of person uses FB as a tool to prey on “friends” who are in vulnerable points in their lives and marriage?

    friendofa"friend"

    November 29, 2009 at 13:33


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